Attends! (or Attention!) = Watch Out

MY FRENCH IS coming along (slowly) and I know that when someone says attends! or attention! it means 'wait' or 'watch out'. The problem is that my subconscious has not yet given attention! the same credibility as 'watch out'. This was clearly illustrated last night:

The family and I -- including grandparents -- headed to Antibes for dinner. We were strolling through the narrow streets looking at the shops and cafes and I was a few paces ahead of the rest of the group. As we walked I heard -- almost as if in the background -- 'attends! attention!'. But the warning didn't register in my head until my wife added the English equivalent: 'watch out!' she yelled. I froze in my tracks and looked up to see three things: 1) the three people who had yelled 'attention!'; 2) two dogs, and 3) several large pieces of crotte de chien (dog crap).

But it was too late, my right foot was already squarely planted in a small piece of the crotte de chien. Needless to say, my wife, kids, and in-laws found this terribly amusing. They laughed and laughed and laughed. 'Why didn't you stop,' my kids wondered. 'Didn't you hear them warning you?'

I tried to explain that I heard attends! and that I know what attends! means, but my brain is not yet trained to respond appropriately to attends! My explanation seemed to make them laugh even more. So, once again, my faux pas is the sorce of amusement for others. Well isn't that nice.

Let me end this post with the words I had for my family last night: Let he who has never stepped in dog crotte throw the first stone.

Except I used another word instead of crotte.