To Kiss or Not to Kiss

THAT REALLY IS the question in France. Of course, it's not an issue if you're actually French because you know what to do. But what if you're American? It's a bit of a dilemma really, because on the one hand you want to assimilate into the culture and partake of this traditional French greeting, but on the other hand you have to remember that you're American and this doesn't come naturally.

Take this afternoon, for example. I was waiting to pick up the kids after school when another mother came walking up to say hello. I had briefly met her once and we had chatted a bit. As she walked up my mind began to race: should I initiate the two cheek kiss? If so, which side should I go for first, the left or the right? Do I even know her well enough yet (the kiss greeting only takes place among those who know each other)? In a brief instant I made the decision to go for it. As she neared, I began to examine the angle of her face so as to know which side to attack first. Because she was coming from my left I decided her left cheek would be the best place to start. We made eye contact and greeting each other with a warm 'Bonjour'! Then, just as I began my lean toward her head, she stuck out her arm to offer me a handshake.

Oh no! I hadn't planned for this. Besides, it was too late, my upper body was already at a severe angle toward hers. To abort the kiss know would be a disaster, full of awkward torso twists to the left and to the right. But her arm was extended toward my body and I couldn't just let it hover there in mid air. So I did the only thing that came naturally at that instant: I extended my right arm and we shook hands AND kissed...sort of a Franco-American greeting. I'm sure it was not a pretty site to see, but when you're new to a foreign country, you can't be afraid to look like a complete idiot sometimes. It's the only way you'll eventually figure things out.
CJS